The Way it Goes
by Neko-Fir
Summary: Kagome's arrows are killing people, figuratively and Inuyasha's being a total loser. Miroku's going insane, literally. And Sango's just typically too mature. Life in Sengoku Jidai is all about life and love. Sweet heavens.


**Watch, another pitiful attempt at a completely random fanfic by yours truly, NekoFir Sama (the greater than you one)! Inspired by Lip-gloss, dedicated to lip-gloss, and more so inspired by a friend who's a lip-gloss obsesseee and this pitiful friend of mine that gloats over his reviews. Enjoy.**

**I ramble on because you suck. But suck in a good way. Like lollypop is to chicken.**

**Disclaimer: **I do these things because I don't want to be burned at the stake by an insane rampaging Rumiko Takahashi-sama. It's weird how I call her 'sama' when I'm talking about her being so insane. Anyways. I don't own fuggin Inuyasha, if I did however; he would be doing my chores...That would be after I boil Kikyou into paste. I don't hate Kikyou. I just like Kikyou paste.

**(omgit'salinethatdevidesthestoryup!)**

She likes lip-gloss. Especially the kind that smells funny and oily all together. But then, she's weird. Her whole entire shelf is filled with lip-gloss. All over, everywhere. Up and down, covering the poster of Thing one and Thing two from the honorable Dr.Suess. And that poem she wrote that she thought was absolute genius, but the stupid teacher thought was dumb and gave a C+. Okay, she **might've **written it at the last minute, **might've **written it on a paper bag, **might've **just copied from a book and changed the main details. But the key word is **might've...**and 'inspired by Shakespeare', but we don't really need to get into all that smutch. Who reads something about someone talking in tights and slurring all their language? Geek. But then, geek's just someone who bites off the heads of living animals...

Basic point: she likes lip-gloss. There's something about how the little tube looks so much like a lipstick, but also gives you chance to go. "Loser! That's not lipstick! It's called LIPGLOSS, dumbass." And then smush it in their face. And then how it can go over the edge of your lip and people still don't notice it...too much. And how when you put it on, you can flick your lips and make those _click _noises. And how it feels so weird to have something on your lips that you go walking around for a whole entire day with your lips slightly parted, kind of seductively; if it wasn't for the fact that the speech goes weird too, like you've just gone down the street to the guy with the thing that goes _room _and tightens your braces. And how etc.

You couldn't possibly expect such stupid ancient people from the past to understand it.

**(Hooomagawsh!itsanotherline!)**

"Inuyasha you turd! GET BACK HERE!"

"You bitch! Stop trying to plaster shit all over my lips!"

Kagome rolled her eyes as she stomped her feet. "INUYASHA! GET DOWN HERE BEFORE I SAY THE OPPOSITE-OF-STAND WORD!" Double meaning there.:smiles:

That stunned him for about, hmm; I don't know, a second. "I'm right above you wench, if you say _it _I'll squash you."

"Squash is such a nice word, say it again."

He gave her an old stare that kind of said something along the lines of: "Squash."

"Good, good." Kagome mumbled to herself as she began to aimlessly mumble to herself and wander around and around the tree, it was _supposed _to be an utterly genius plan but it just made her look like an idiot..

Inuyasha followed visually with his eyes for a few moments, and then physically; jumping from branch to branch. He wasn't ready to face the demon that nestled it self in a container in the palm of Kagome's hand just yet.

Kagome looked up suddenly, a kind of dazed look in her eyes. "Inuyasha...?" She began to wobble whilst closing her eyes and opening them, and act now known to modern day man as blinking...except slower. She began to topple towards the ground, certain that a dog barks that a dog-eared hanyou would be there to catch her.

She was so wrong.

"What the hell Inuyasha..." She murmured into the dirt in her eyes, earlobes, face, and stuck in her lip-gloss. She felt a thud beside her.

"Hah, stupid wench."

"Sit boy."_  
_

_ Thud._

"Aha, stupid hanyou." She turned Inuyasha's unconscious body over slowly, carefully making sure he wasn't startled awake. She smirked as she twisted the small bottle-ish container in her hand and then an utterly genius plan managed to squirm into her very thick skull...

She managed a quiet little maniacal giggle.

His eyes jolted awake at the last second.

**(thisisthepartwhenimentionsomethingaboutaline)**

There was a loud feminish scream in the distance.

Sango looked over to Miroku questionly, "Was that Inuyasha?"

The houshi smiled in his dream. "I suppose."

She narrowed her eyes. "Damn you houshi, you said you were sleeping."

His lips regained their former dream-like state bluntness. "I am, don't bug me." There was a long pause before he added solemnly, "Unless you want to bear my child or something like that...then I'm wide awake." His lips twitched slightly before settling down.

"I have this urge to kick you."

"I know."

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I am."

She rolled her eyes as she moved onto the next topic on her: 'Topics to mention to Miroku when the conversation gets awkward'. "What is it about Kagome's era that fascinates Inuyasha so much?"

"It's the noodle-like things that fascinate him." Another long pause in favor of the monk. "Unless the girl's there are pretty too..." He seemed to die off, finishing with a long satisfied sigh.

"You know that tube that Kagome desperately wanted to plaster over Inuyasha? Do you know what it is; I don't usually pay attention when she's in her own little world."

"She's **always **in her own little world."

"Oh."

"Something along the lines of a lip moisturizer. She's always going on and on about how Inuyasha's lips are tanned and bleeding..."

"Oh, I thought they only bled because Kagome accidentally swiped them with her misaimed arrow."

"That too."

"She's always going on about how 'tanned' people are considered 'hot' in her era. What is tan anyways?"

"Tanning is hot? Can you tan lips?" He was suddenly very eager. "Do you just burn them into flames or something?"

"That's sick houshi." There was a long thoughtful pause. "Open your eyes."

"...why would I do that when I'm sleeping?"

"Too bad..." There was a thud of Sango lifting something heavy. "Then you'll miss the parade of naked girls dancing outside the hut. They seem to be itching you to them with their slender fingers." There was a gurgle from Miroku.

"Are the girls slender or more starvation victims-ish?"

"Starvation victims, I would say."

Miroku's eyes popped open before a smile lighting his face. "I'm sure they'll need a lot of feeding then...Hand feeding." He gurgled again he got up and patted himself off, pushing his hair back in a very stylish manner.

Sango snorted, "You pervert."

"Where are the girls?" Miroku sounded vaguely suspicious as he looked around the hut, certain that the girls were simply hiding from his superb facial features.

Sango creeped up behind him.

"Ahh, my beautiful Sango, that was merely just a merry jest to lure me into your lovely manly arms."

"You'll regret that houshi."

"No, just the perfect size to bear this man some manly children." He smiled happily.

The last thing he saw was a bone boomerang and the swish of air as it swung towards him.

Sango gave a satisfied laugh before propping the haraikotsu up against the wall. "**Now **he's really asleep."

Kiara gave a soft meow that clearly meant. "No Sango, now he's **dead.**"

**(linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline)**

There was a holler that signaled the ominous two were back. A furious Inuyasha trudged in, on his face were glossy words such as: "Loser", "Nerd", "Asscrack", "Buthole, "Sleeping-no-good-person-that-lets-beautiful-people-fall-into-dirt." etc.

"I'm off to the lake, and then to hang myself." Inuyasha muttered as he stole some of the 'sham poo' from Kagome's bag.

Kagome followed behind him, not noticing Sango and the dead houshi. She burst into giggles. "I'm sorry Inuyasha! It's just that with you lying there, it's so innocent and...well...I **was **going to put the lip-gloss on your lips but..."

"Instead you let the Satan take over you body that led you to do disastrous things on Inuyasha."

There was a pause.

"I thought you were asleep houshi."

"I thought you were **dead.**" Shippou murmured.

"Oh, I am." There was an awkward silence. "Except not dead, because then I wouldn't be able to talk...and grope women...But then, I would; just dead women. But then technically it wouldn't be human flesh...Just air...Oh my gosh! And I'm going to die early! And then..."

Ignoring the rambling monk (Still sleeping monk) mumbling himself into hysterics, Inuyasha continued. "Maybe I just don't want to put on the **feminine makeup.**"

"I SAY AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN-"

"We get the point."

"AGAIN AND AGAIN...IT'S NOT **FEMININE MAKEUP **DAMMIT!-"

"Stop using Caps Lock." Inuyasha muttered.

"BECAUSE-...Caps Lock? How would you know about Caps Lock?"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. "I thought it was the **_cool _**way to say 'scream' in your era."

"...The ghetto way...?" She asked slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"Get-a-what?"

"Never mind."

"...So what if I like reading your clickity clack tap thing?"

"-**_keyboard._** It's something I use to type on the computer."

"What?"

"**_Type._**" And seeing as perplexed look on his face never packed up and left through the back door... "Never mind."

"Whatever."

There was a quiet moment between them, emitting the noises of Miroku still muttering to himself in the corner of the hut. (Sango had gone to rub his back and Shippou to cure the hut of any unwanted demons that might've taken over the houshi's body.)

"_Anyways..._I was just putting on lip-gloss because your lip was bleeding."

"Because **you **shot the dammed arrow right at me! Luckily I dodged just in time otherwise I would be one castrated demon!" He didn't sound amused.

"It was a misaim okay!" She paused, "Do you even know what castrated means?"

"...yes..." He gave her a look that clearly meant: 'Yes, I know I am a genius but I really don't know what castrated means!'... awkward stare...

"So basically you're saying your 'thing' grows where you're brain is?" She smiled, "That would make sense."

He feigned hurt, or maybe he was really hurt in the head; I mean, dinky. "You were just trying to poison me."

"HOW COULD I HAVE POISONED YOU? And stop changing the subject everything you start sounding like a loser!"

"The lip moss hurt when it touched the wound!"

"So? The rubbing alcohol hurts when it touches your wound too doesn't it? And yet you seemed to be cured."

"Aha. Caps Loc-"

"I'M NOT CAPS LOCKING." Kagome made a little exasperated cry from the back of her throat. "Besides, Lip gloss is to prevent your lip from drying. It's **not **a feminine product."

"Then explain why I only see it in you and your mother's drawers?"

"Because my dad is fricken dead!"

"...How about the brat's?"

"Souta is...allergic to the chemicals that reside in the lip gloss."

"Then explain why it's **glittery and smells like fruits.**"

"...It's _popular _for men in my era to have glittery lips."

"Stop _shifting _yourself."

It took Kagome a few moments to figure out what that meant. "Inuyasha...Stop reading the keyboard." There was a few seconds of awkward silence before a sudden suspicion crossed her face. "Inuyasha, are you perhaps the cause of why porn sites keep appearing on the internet explorer history?"

"I-"

"And why the color printer keeps running out of ink and the white paper disappearing..." It was more of a threat than a question. "YOU PERVERT!"

**(thisisthelinethatsignalsaflashbackmwah)**

_ Inuyasha landed in front of Miroku. He thrust some printed pictures forward. "Here are the things you wanted."_

_ Miroku smiled gleefully. "Oh goody." He snatched the pictures from his hands. "Oh goody goody goody."_

_ Inuyasha shook his head. "Now tell me the secret to getting Kagome to not sit me."_

_ "Don't get her mad."_

_ "Now get me some more pictures and I'll really tell you."_

_ "That's what you said all 5 times."_

_ "Just **go.**"_

_ "Oh geez, don't caps lock man." Inuyasha smiled at his 'retro' way of speaking.  
_

**(thisisthelinethatstopstheflashback)**

"Miroku made me get the pictures!"

Miroku made a whining sound from the back of his throat and instantly began to sit up and shake violently.

"Look what you did!" Sango protested. "Now the spirits taking over his body are angry!"

Inuyasha snorted.

"Why would a sacred monk." She took a pause after: 'sacred monk' as if waiting for angels to pass by or something. "Want pictures of that?"

"Because!"

"Don't you dare accuse Miroku or I'll..." Kagome let the threat hanging.

Inuyasha gulped. "Oh fine, I was the one who printed the pictures."

Kagome's eyes became blurry. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU INUYASHA!" She ran outside crying, but not before sitting Inuyasha.

"Feh...Stupid wench." Inuyasha muttered into the wooden tiles. He got up and dusted himself off. "Dammit wench. Ugly wench." He cast Miroku and Sango a glance. "I'm not going to look for her, just to go wash the muck off of my face."

"Oh...Okay..."

The cloth hanging over the door flapped in his breeze.

Sango smirked.

Miroku smiled normally. "I'm just making sure, so 'caps lock'** isn't** the cool way to say scream?"

Sango ignore him as she called Shippou in. "I'll bribe you to go spy on the two, to see what they're _really _doing."

"Yes, what they're **_really doing._**"

"I thought you were insane, houshi."

"...I am." He smiled normally.

"...I thought you were asleep."

Miroku collapsed onto the futon and his smile dissolved away. "I am." Before adding as-matter-of-factly, "If you'll join me."

Sango snorted as she lifted the Hiraikotsu into the air on top of Miroku...and then letting the wonderful man of gravity take charge. There was a loud thud and a sound of Miroku gasping for air. But we really can't be sure; it just might be a squealing donkey tap-dancing. Sango gave a small satisfied smile, "There, now he's **really** asleep."

"Sango...I think you **killed** him."

**(thisisthelinethatsignalsthatthechapterends)**

**A/N **I'm pretty sure I'm insane. And I'm pretty sure all of you think I'm insane too. Considering the fact that I'm attempting to juggle like five fanfics at once. I'm a fanfic clown. I'm pretty sure this is where the background music plays a corny circus song. -cue corny circus song- Hoo wee! Now I got pink hair dye sparkles all over my hands and my violin teacher just gave me three bags of candy. (I seriously don't know how old these candies are.) And you'd better be glad because I had to do the stupid spell check and it's keeps on trying to insist for me to change Miroku into 'Marko' and Sango into 'Sago' and the Hiraikotsu into 'haricots'. Mops.

Your authoress that's hyped up on candy.

The awesome NekoFir-chan.

**_(This is where I pathetically beg for reviews.) -pathetically begs for reviews-)_**


End file.
